Watching from a distance

Today I can't even lie. I'm totally in my feelings. I'm at a point where I don't even know what to say. Speechless is the correct word. It's like knowing something is wrong...but you don't try to stop it. It's not my job to interrupt Gods work unless he tells me too. Maybe a lesson just has to be learned. Or perhaps I am wrong about the whole thing. Have you ever been in a position where you want to prevent something, but you don't know how or you aren't sure if you should? What do you do? How can you stand at a distance and just watch something horrible happen? I mean it's not a matter of life or death in this current situation. It's a matter of watching closely as things unfold and being there to pick up the pieces as they fall. But hey, what do I know, right? I'm just another woman still trying to figure out her place in life. So who am I to judge?

Undefined

                Sometimes I dream while I'm walking. The things I see and hear are apart of this fantasy world I have in my mind. I'm zoned out sometimes because I'm thinking of how things could be. When reality hits, most of the time I am already a step ahead and I don't let things get to me so easily. I dream of the good and the bad. One thing that I have realized is that things come and go so easily that I forget it is gone. Everytime I blink my eyes, god has already prepared me for a blessing in disguise. He has taken so many things away from me, but he never fails to replace them with something better. Have you ever been through a situation and even as time goes by, you still don't know why it happend? It's like, when reality hits you...you don't even remember the details. For the most part, I normally don't go and find answers. I let things be and continue with my life. Unfortunatley, I'm currently going through something that I can't seem to get over. Maybe the only way I can get over it....is to...ugh....find the answers. I'm a firm believer that we all have a few things in life that we can't truly get over without closure. These type of situations..I will call...undefined.

At a Crossroad

OK, so I've been stuck in this position for a very long time now. Each time I continue to hit a brick wall. It feels as if there is no way that I can just go forward. Left or right are my only options. Which one do I choose? How do I determine which path is correct? Why can't I go straight! I'm at the point where I want to climb over this brick wall or tear it down. I'm tired of being stuck at a position that shows no future.

Life seems to be a maze that never ends. Every time I mess up people always say "get up and try again!" I'm sick and tired of trying over and over again. Why can't I get this right! By now, you would think I'm good at this type of thing. I mean I am experienced. I know what NOT to do. That has to count for something right? Its as if I know all of the wrong answers, but I can't figure out the right one.There is a choice that must be made in order to carry on.  I'm at a crossroad and I'm trying to reach a turning point in my life.

In this world

I'm screaming silently for your attention, but your eyes don't hear me.

I'm trying to get you to understand, but your ears are clueless.

I'm reaching out for you, but all I feel is solid air.

I'm opening my eyes for you, but your skin is not here.

Do you ever feel backwards? Its as if something is missing but your legs can't seem to grasp it. Maybe you are trying to touch something with your eyes, while speaking with your fingertips. Or smell something with your ears and taste something with your toes. Sometimes we all have off days. Nothing seems to go right and you spend the whole 1440 minutes trying to figure it out. I believe these days are one of our best days. Our mind is so out of place, that it allows us to some how vision ourselves in a world where the things we are actually messing up on are instantly correct. You walk barefoot with your brain and hold your feet up high. In this world, things trade places. 

In the simple yet abstract poem above, one might think it is about a person. A person, whom I am yearning for, but can't seem to reach.  Others who's minds are deep as the ocean, might feel a since of alienation in the poem. Maybe I'm out of place and objects around me are beyond my league. Perhaps it’s not something that has matter and takes up space. It could be a thought that is not valid. Or maybe it's something that only I can understand. I'm the only one in this fictional world. While I am opening my eyes for you...try closing yours. 

My culture

I've come to realize that being a student at Florida A&M University has created a deeper understanding of my cultural identity. For years, I have been mediocre about the importance of not only learning, but understanding the history of African Americans. In school, learning about black history was not something that was seen as a necessity for becoming mature. It was more like paperwork that was needed just to get by or to satisfy the educational requirements. Memorization was the source of many projects and essays. Now, as the years are passing by, I’m becoming more interactive with my African American culture.

Reading books such as, Race Matters by Cornel West, has also educated me a lot more on the views of the black society and how in many ways, we are hurting ourselves. I was never a fan of politics. Not because I didn't want to be, but because I didn't fully understand the different political views. Of course many people would say Democrats are for the lower and middle class, while Republicans were ran by the upper class. Also people born in these conditions were automatically said to be in the party that was...I guess somehow assigned to it. Truly knowing the issues should be talked about in schools and in household conversations. One should have their own opinion and be able to act on it. When a child becomes eighteen, they shouldn't be pressured into voting. They should already have "register to vote" on their bucket list.

I feel as if I’m touching the inner culture in me with my fingertips. Don't get me wrong, I am not a racist, but knowing and completely understanding where you come from has become a part of my everyday life. This is the start of something new!